I Love Rex Ryan’s Creepy Tattoo For 3 Reasons


A few people have asked me to comment on the recently exposed tattoo donned by my favorite portly, loudmouthed NFL coach, Rex Ryan.

The Daily News described the tattoo as “a sexy Michelle (Ryan’s wife) wearing a Sanchez uniform top, and eyeing the viewer with bedroom eyes”.

The jury is still out on the tattoo’s authenticity, but let’s all assume that this is a real tattoo … a permanent tatoo.

Well, let’s be clear … I think this is a non-story, and I love the tat for 3 reasons:

ART –  TWO CHEERS for Rex Ryan, for being the kind of guy that appreciates tattoos!  I love tattoos, I’ve got a few myself.  I fully support Rex’s right to boldly display whatever he’d like, with body ink.  Recently, journalist/assclown David Whitley wrote a hit-piece article against San Francisco quarterback Colin Kaepernick’s ample arm tattoos.

“NFL quarterback is the ultimate position of influence and responsibility. He is the CEO of a high-profile organization, and you don’t want your CEO to look like he just got paroled … For dinosaurs like me, NFL quarterbacks were our little Dutch boys. The original hero who stuck his finger in the dyke to save Holland. Pro QBs were the last line of defense against the raging sea of ink. When our kids said they wanted a tattoo, we could always point to the Manning brothers.”

If dinosaur Whitley thinks that young players at the quarterback position should remain “pristine”, “professional” and free of ink, he’d certainly cry out in horror to witness a proliferation of body art among the typically older, professional Head Coaches of the league.  Let’s continue to piss him off.

Rex, feel free to quote a certain Pittsburgh based rapper when facing this media scrutiny “Ink my whole body, I don’t give a mother-fuck.” – Wiz Kalifa.

LOVE – Rex Ryan and his WIFE of  25 years apparently have a steamy love affair going.  We’ve known this for some time … since the leaked “footgate” video scandal from 2 years ago.  My boy Rex loves his wife from head to foot, literally, and they are adventurous enough to record some PG-rated private moments.  Now, almost exactly two years later, we learn about this new wife-centered body art.    TWO CHEERS for that titillating & saucy couple!

SANCHEZ – Ok, here’s where it gets tricky.  Rex Ryan’s tattoo caricature wife has a NY Jets jersey with the number of Jets quarterback, Mark Sanchez, draped over her otherwise naked form.  o_O.  Look, he had to pick a number and Mark’s number is as good as anybody’s … better even.  Let’s take a look at some of the paltry choices that were available to Rex.

  • #12 – Jets Legend & Hall of Famer Joe Namath – Sure, but he’s a bit of an embarrassing drunk Rex never coached him, so that’s a weak connection for a tat.
  • #15 – Jets QB Tim Tebow –  Not only does this guy suck, but the prophet Tebow expressly forbids the creation of non-Christian devotional art.  Google it.
  • #0 – Number banned for use by the NFL – This banned number would’ve implied no one on the team and cleverly avoided the whole creepy controversy … but what’s the fun in that, right?!

So that leaves the only sensible choice … #6, Mark Sanchez.

Look, forget about Sanchez’s extraordinary butt fumble for a second!  Rex Ryan had his first shot as Head Coach in the National Football League with the New York Jets, after a stellar career as an assistant.   With the Jets, one of his first major decisions was to draft a young handsome and ostensibly talented quarterback from the University of Southern California.  The head coach & quarterback relationship is one that most of us will never fully appreciate or understand; but after several seasons together and two trips to the AFC championship game, that connection and bond will last no matter what the future holds for each of them.



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